Or checkout the ‘Hollywood Heist’ backlot.
This week's installment is yet another for the writer nerds, after all, that is the rabbit hole I am currently living in. So here's my view from the inside.
Image: 20th Century Fox, from: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_Alone#/media/File:Home_alone_poster.jpg
Today I have three small lessons I’ve collected and observed lately (in other words, three more things I am in the process of overthinking).
Without further ado.
Lesson #1 Voluntary vs. Involuntary
I've realized you can reflect the same exact action in multiple ways with each one giving the moment a separate meaning. Here’s an example from Hollywood Heist I was toying with, from a conversation Jenny is having with Mac.
A:
“Think about it,” Mac said. “Why would Sheridan forego a bidding war?”
Her head tilted. “How long have you been spying on me?”
B:
“Think about it,” Mac said. “Why would Sheridan forego a bidding war?”
She tilted her head. “How long have you been spying on me?”
The more I read it the less I see the difference but my initial preference was liking option A because it turned Jenny’s reaction into a reflex. I don’t like her controlling her own head like that. Seems like it could be a little artificial. Or maybe I'm wrong and there I go again enforcing my will on someone who is supposed to be three dimensional.
You can see how they're different. Let me know if you have a preference. Nothing like crowd-sources the line edits. See why it's taking me so long.
Lesson #2 The verb is the most important word in the sentence.
I heard this recently and have been paying closer attention. The argument is that the right verb better captures the essence of a movement and can also help remove all of those pesky and passive -ly adjectives.
Here’s a simple replacement I made:
Jenny looked quickly at the hand written list then pushed it in her pocket.
Jenny glanced at the hand written list then pushed it in her pocket.
Subtle, but effective. Obvious, too, now that someone's pointed it out. I also say the world ‘look’ several hundred times in the manuscript so I've got to get rid of those (we get it, she sees things). That is no bueno writing.
Lesson #3 Writing someone being surprised.
I was trying to write about a character being surprised when I realized that my go to of repeating ‘all of the sudden!’ was not especially literary.
So I looked at a master and found some cool examples of how he does it (she). If you want some inspiration of different ways to write about when a character gets surprised check out these examples I pulled. In the words of Robert Galbraith, from Silkworm:
Example 1 (p.122):
One gentle clock and the front door slid open. He crossed the threshold and closed the door behind him.
A shock, like a slap in the face, like a falling bucket of water. Strike fumbled with is coat collar, dragging it up over his mouth and nose to protect them. Where he should have smelled only dust and old wood, something sharp and chemical was overwhelming him, catching his nose and throat.
Example 2 (p.142):
“Hi.”
Strike started and looked up. Robin was standing there in her trench coat, her face pink, long red-gold hair loose, tousled and gilded in the early sunlight streaming through the window. Just then Strike found her beautiful.
(I’ll hold off the discussion of some nice description for now)
Example 3 (p.151):
A gust of icy air stung his face as he opened the door, then everything went white as a flash went off inches from his eyes. He blinked—the outlines of three men danced in front of him—he threw up his hand against another volley of flashes.
Example 4 (p.154):
Strike proceeded down the narrow hallway. The door of the study was closed and, he suspected, still locked.
On reaching the kitchen he discovered to his surprise that he was not the only visitor. Jerry Waldegrave, the editor from Roper Chard, was sitting at the kitchen table, clutching a bunch of flowers in somber purples and blues, his pale face anxious
This last one is interesting to see her going from active surprises to a more passive one where she has determined it's okay to just tell you he was surprised. This fits well as we can all probably relate to a moment when we saw somebody we didn't expect but tried to play it cool.
Anyways this all makes me relatively confident that a well-trained A.I. bot will eventually be able to write great stories for us.
In the great words of Ken Jennings:
Image: Sony Pictures Television, CBS Television Distribution
Until that day when we can sip mojitos on the beach, we must study.
Happy Friday,
Charlie
Have some thoughts? Feel free to drop a comment or hit me up: charlie@charleskunken.com
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