In the swing of things…
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My reflections in real time on becoming a parent.
We had our first big nighttime crying episode, the kind where you gotta keep trying everything possible: bottle, burp, bottle, comfort, singing, rocking, bottle’s empty, where’s the pacifier? Oh, it’s in my mouth.
Making a bottle with baby under your arm is a great football anti-fumble drill. I was not nailing this rare opportunity to actually help with a feeding.
After about 45 minutes of triage she was quiet. Not too bad. I dare not move but did take advantage of the opportunity to wipe the crust out of her eye with some spit. Our gaze locked and in that precious moment Lila and I both acknowledged that, yes, this is how cats clean their young.
I also had my first experience of getting projectile pooped on. I hadn’t processed what was actually happening until after everything was cleaned up. Then I was shell shocked
Wait, this is a thing?
I went in the other room, handed baby to my wife and told her I just needed to go be alone for a couple of moments. Communication is critical.
It made me wonder what people did before modern diapers. I think they must have just kept their babies on a nest of hay. There’s no other method I can think of. In fact, I’m gonna see if I can’t get myself a couple of bales.
Other observations:
Her nighttime schedule is conducive to that of a neurotic writer, if not for restful sleep. Like how you read about all the greats waking up sporadically with ideas or the need to read or look something up. Now I have an excuse to try and be more like Hemingway or some other eccentric. Plus, 1am is the perfect time to get another black and white heist movie under our belt.
We started calling these late night movie sessions ‘the Lemur club’. Lemurs are a species of primate from Madagascar with the beady eyes. As per Wikipedia, they chiefly live in trees and are active at night. If you want in all you have to do is wait until you are exhausted and can’t keep your eyes open any longer. Then stay up for 2 more heist movies. (By the way, ‘Quick Change’ (1990) with Bill Murray is highly underrated).
Speaking of excuses, the waterproof sheet that I’ve installed on the couch allows me to be a lot more cavalier with eating dinner from a reclining position.
Sunday is still laundry day, no change there. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are now also potential laundry days as well.
I wasn’t necessarily surprised by how many things have to go in the wash because they get poop on them. What I am surprised by is how many things don’t go in the wash immediately because they only get a little poop on them.
I love the natural accumulation of nicknames that present themselves for a newborn. My wife is the most creative. The following is a list of actual names I have heard her use to communicate with Lila thus far: Lemur, monkey, hippo, gremlin, princess, angel, peach, piranha, zombie, just to name a few.
If you want to give off the perception that you have your act together then bring people Poinsettas. I have never done this before but I’ve observed a few people bringing us Poinsettas over the past couple weeks and it really leaves a strong impression. The next time you go somewhere just bring one and don’t mention it at all, like it’s no big deal and stopping at the nursery is a perfectly normal part of your daily routine.
You’re welcome.
Next week the Pach Kunkens get to Seattle to meet Lila for the first time. The fun and games continue, guaranteed.
Have some thoughts? Feel free to drop a comment or hit me up: charlie@charleskunken.com
Other Posts In The Next Adventure Series
The upsides to creativity within the nooks and crannies of parenting (with the help of a kick-@$$ wife)